妻友社区

March is Talk with Your Teen about Sex Month. Why talk about sex with our kids?

In her recent talk at 妻友社区 College, Cecile Richards, President of Planned Parenthood Federation of America, reminded us that for their children. National studies agree. When parents talk about sex with their kids, it can help them postpone having sex and make it more likely teens will use protection when they do have sex. Our research at 妻友社区 found that this is particularly important in delaying sex for boys.

Here are some take-home messages from our own and others鈥� research on how parents and teens talk about sex and relationships. The quotes are from our interviews with parents of middle school students.

鈥淚鈥檓 willing to go there with her (talk about sex), because I know that I had trouble speaking with my mom about it when I was younger. So I know I need to be there and play that role. And if I don鈥檛 talk to her about it, she鈥檒l find out on her own, and that鈥檚 not the way that I want that to happen.鈥�

Why is it so hard for us to talk to our kids about sex?

鈥淚t鈥檚 hard for me to say, 鈥榃ell this is how your penis works.鈥� You know? Okay, I鈥檒l try to figure it out and I don鈥檛 want to sound stupid in front of the kid.鈥�

- Parents often feel embarrassed and may not know how to start conversations about sex
- Parents don鈥檛 know where to get accurate information to share with their kids
- Kids are embarrassed too, but it鈥檚 important for them to hear from you
- Once you start (even with a small conversation), it will get easier

How do we do it? Tips on talking with teens about sex

鈥淵ou鈥檙e basically informing them and, you know, letting them know that you鈥檙e there. And then you kind of just have to take it as it comes, because you never know what鈥檚 going to happen.鈥�

- Figure out what鈥檚 important to you and share it with your kids
- Listen to what your kids have to say (or what they may have trouble saying)
- Keep the door open 鈥� sometimes the first conversation is just an icebreaker
- Give your kids medically accurate information about sex
-

Who can help?

鈥淗e still talks about things that he learned in (sex education) class. He still makes a reference to it when we鈥檙e talking about things. One of the funny things that doesn鈥檛 happen anymore is any reference to sex, we don鈥檛 shy away from it if it does come up. He鈥檚 just more accepting that it鈥檚 a part of life at this point.鈥�

- Just because you didn鈥檛 talk about sex growing up with your own family, doesn鈥檛 mean you can鈥檛 talk with your own kids about sex
- Even when you鈥檙e embarrassed, you can still have good conversations with your teens about sex
- You are not alone

• o Think about friends and family you trust who can be part of the conversation (e.g., aunts, uncles, older siblings, godparents)

o Find out if your teen has a sex education class at school and ask your teen about it
o Here are some resources for information and support to talk to your teens about sex:

Jennifer Grossman, Ph.D. is a research scientist at the 妻友社区. She co-directs an evaluation of a middle school sex education curriculum and leads a project investigating what works and what gets in the way of family communication about sexuality among diverse families.